There’s this really cool community called Velvet Ashes, a place for women who are serving overseas to encourage and challenge each other, to offer practical advice for the ups and downs of cross-cultural living, to talk about interesting books, fun recipes, marriage and singleness and parenting third-culture kids.
Each week they offer a one-word prompt, something to get a conversation going and open the door for encouragement. This week’s word: Fear. What is it you most fear? I have been really challenged by the honesty of the women who have shared.
I have been pondering the question in my own life this week. There are many things I fear, but I realized each fear sort of morphs into one thing: I fear not being good enough. This has plagued me since I was a little girl, when one Sunday morning a well-meaning Sunday school teacher told me I was perfect (always well-behaved, etc). Perfect is pretty strong label, and I took it to mean that is what I had to be. But I knew that I wasn’t, not at all. It was right at the time that my grandma passed away from cancer, and I didn’t really know how to deal with the grief so I got angry. I would get so frustrated with my siblings at home (which I suppose is fairly normal), but I knew I couldn’t let other people see that. I have developed this need over the years to hide my imperfection from others.
I wish I could tell you that I worked through this fear, that I have conquered it. There are times (many actually), I have given into the fear that I will never be good enough and have run away from opportunities or relationships, pulling away or simply not talking (sort of my coping strategy). There have been times when I have declared that I know I am good enough in my Father’s eyes, when I have accepted wholeheartedly the love of people around me and stepped out to be brave and adventurous. It is constant journey, though, and I am no where near finished.
So there’s my fear. What is yours? Check out Velvet Ashes for some honest reflections and sharing on the topic of fear.
Photo from Velvet Ashes
Oh, the fear of not being good enough! It taints everything, doesn't it? Clearly, I speak from experience. I too am on the constant journey. I've tasted wholeheartedness and am hungry for more. So glad you shared with us.
I am glad you're being brave! I'm working toward that as well. My focus lately has been on the journey instead of the destination and it's helping me embrace it.
I walk this fear with you daily Thanks for sharing.