Fear

There’s this really cool community called Velvet Ashes, a place for women who are serving overseas to encourage and challenge each other, to offer practical advice for the ups and downs of cross-cultural living, to talk about interesting books, fun recipes, marriage and singleness and parenting third-culture kids.

Each week they offer a one-word prompt, something to get a conversation going and open the door for encouragement. This week’s word: Fear. What is it you most fear? I have been really challenged by the honesty of the women who have shared.

I have been pondering the question in my own life this week. There are many things I fear, but I realized each fear sort of morphs into one thing: I fear not being good enough. This has plagued me since I was a little girl, when one Sunday morning a well-meaning Sunday school teacher told me I was perfect (always well-behaved, etc). Perfect is pretty strong label, and I took it to mean that is what I had to be. But I knew that I wasn’t, not at all. It was right at the time that my grandma passed away from cancer, and I didn’t really know how to deal with the grief so I got angry. I would get so frustrated with my siblings at home (which I suppose is fairly normal), but I knew I couldn’t let other people see that. I have developed this need over the years to hide my imperfection from others.

I wish I could tell you that I worked through this fear, that I have conquered it. There are times (many actually), I have given into the fear that I will never be good enough and have run away from opportunities or relationships, pulling away or simply not talking (sort of my coping strategy). There have been times when I have declared that I know I am good enough in my Father’s eyes, when I have accepted wholeheartedly the love of people around me and stepped out to be brave and adventurous. It is constant journey, though, and I am no where near finished.

So there’s my fear. What is yours? Check out Velvet Ashes for some honest reflections and sharing on the topic of fear.

Photo from Velvet Ashes

3 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Oh, the fear of not being good enough! It taints everything, doesn't it? Clearly, I speak from experience. I too am on the constant journey. I've tasted wholeheartedness and am hungry for more. So glad you shared with us.

    Like

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