Hold My Hand

5 Ways to Walk Alongside a Friend Dealing with Depression

Life is hard. Can I get an ‘Amen’? We all deal with stress and the burdens of life. Our brains are amazingly complex and resilient, but sometimes, like other parts of our bodies, they break down and need help.

Depression has been part of my story. I remember in college having conversations about why we never see prayer requests in church bulletins for people who are struggling with depression, why we feel the need to hide it. It makes me sad that we can’t feel safe with our stories and struggles, including the way that our brains function, or don’t.

I can’t speak for everyone who has ever struggled with depression, but here are a few ideas for ways that you can love and support someone you know walking this journey right now.

1. Be honest

“I think you might be dealing with situational depression.” A friend just said it plainly, right in the midst of a Skype conversation as she listened discerningly as I shared. She said it with the utmost compassion but I needed that, I needed to hear her when I couldn’t see it myself. If we care about each other, and know the signs of depression, let’s be kind enough to gently ask questions and find out what is going on in the heart of our friend who is struggling.

2. Be present

We don’t always take the time to understand what is different. One of the best gifts that a mentor gave me while I was under the heavy blanket of depression was an invitation to help her understand. “What does it feel like?” We sat over coffee and I tried to put to words the daily experience of this journey and she listened with grace and a desire to hear my heart. Sometimes it just takes showing up, letting our friends know they are not a burden because they are struggling. We are all broken and we can give each other a gift by allowing that brokenness to be shared.

3. Take me out

I always made it out of bed but sometimes the biggest struggle was to get out of the house. Motivation can go right out the window in the middle of depression, and we can offer help for our friend by getting them out into the sunlight. Energy levels might not be at their highest, so plan a short coffee run or quiet stroll through a botanical garden. If they say no, offer to bring a chai latte by the house or to come help with laundry. Be persistent but gracious.

4. Speak truth

When I was struggling emotionally, it affected my spiritual health as well. Everything felt cloudy including how I saw my Father God. When friends would send emails with promises from Scripture, or stories of how God was teaching them or working in their lives or their favorite worship song, it reminded me that He was still good. Even if I couldn’t always feel it or didn’t have the motivation to spend long hours with the Lord, they spoke truth into my life and reminded me of who God was and who I was in Him.

5. Don’t give up- believe that healing is possible.

For some, depression is a significant chapter in their lives and for others it spans decades and is an ever present reality. It can be tough to stick with someone through the ups and downs, but please don’t give up on your friend who is struggling. Fight with them. Believe with them and for them that healing is possible. There are amazing medications available that can kickstart the chemicals that stopped working, there are essential oils and supplements and other natural ways to support our minds and bodies. There are counselors who can provide professional assistance to work through trauma or past issues that might be deep below the surface. Ultimately, we serve a God who holds the power of healing in His hands. He doesn’t always answer our prayers to take away the struggle, whether it is cancer or the flu or depression. But sometimes He does. Pray with your friend for God’s healing, and celebrate the ways He does work even if the depression doesn’t go away forever. Be with them on the good days and the hard days.

We need each other. No matter what we are going through, having good friends who invite us into their lives and to share our stories empowers us to keep going.